Claire wakes up to the wonders of Landels. And trashes it. Also her roommate Elle is a douche face.
Okay so...this whole dealio right here mostly sounds like bullshit but WHATEVAH Claire is leaving anyway.
JUST WATCH HER.
JUST WALKING AWAY oooooooooh halo thar little children. Come into my warm, motherly embrace.
ESCAPE ATTEMPT NOW HAS 100% MORE UNWITTINGLY ADOPTED CHILDREN.
Claire wakes up and sees pine trees in the window. And FLIPS OUT BECAUSE WHAT THE SHIT THERE ARE NO PINE TREES ON THE ISLAND WHAAAAAAAAAAAT. Bella Swan patiently pats her on the back everything will be okay.
Now that she knows she's in Americkay and can feasibly...walk across the country to return to her bb boy (don't dash her dreams), she needs some crazy motherfuckers to be her allies. Luckily for her, there is Dr. Muraki.
WHAT THE FUCK HEY. HEY BOONE. HEY BOONE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD. Why are you here and eating fries. 8(
Arts and Crafts with her bff Elle.
Checking in with Rika and Goku and double checking how many bajillion miles she has to walk to get to Aaron. SHE WILL DO IT, DAMN YOU.
Claire laments missing out on her second night at Landels and is generally surly while having breakfast with Edward Cullen.
Blonds with rage attempt to read Dr. Seuss. One of them is sedated. Surprisingly, it's not Claire.
WELL HELLLLOOOOOOOOOO THAR, LITTLE GOKU. Fancy seeing you round here
After lunch, Claire meets a kindly cave man called Snow.
Elle and Claire continue to get along fabulously.
S.T. provides the patients with maps. Claire shows her gratitude by not thanking him at all.
Claire finds Rika's knife under her pillow! Too bad Elle has already left and she cannot practice her shanking skills.
The inventory of a mad woman.
Awwriiiiiiiiight let's find a way to escape this craphole. IT IS CLEARLY JUST A MATTER OF FINDING THE DOOR, SO SIMPLE.
Oh, but Sergeant Carter has a much better idea.
RING-SMASHY TELEPORTY TRANSPORTIFICATION MAAAAGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC-BING WELCOME TO DOYLETON!! Claire makes herself at home by projectile weeping at Carter in joy and cramming her face full of dime store beef jerky.
Claire decides to make the most of their trip and get some supplies. Carter begins to sense some crazy.
That foreboding wriggling shadow was obviously just a cat. It's always a fucking cat.
Wow look nobody gave anyone crap for breaking and entering on the island okay.
ACQUIRED: ONE AX. Carter's fears of the crazy are confirmed.
They sashay into the streets only to be besieged by the cast of Ratatouille. Though they emerge victorious, they are unable to make use of the meat left behind. :c
Their terrible track record continue as the two attempt to break into a restaurant to find Claire some Kibbles and Bits, and they are attacked by their own shadows. Because they have no time for this Peter Pan bullshit they decide the best course of action would be to set the whole place on FUCKING FIRE YEAAAAAAH.
BELLAAAAAAAAAAAA THIS SHADOW THING WAS MEAN TO ME AT SCHOOL TODAY please hug the pain away ;______;
Luring Goku closer with stranger candy.
Then she taunts L with her stranger candy.
After lunch Claire rejoins her fellow psychopath Muraki and strokes a kitten like it's Mr. Bigglesworth.
Claire proves herself to be the height of maturity when she refuses to share her dinner with Elle. Even if she wasn't eating it the first place.
Claire informs Damon he is an idiot and has apparently forgotten the definition of 'sarcasm'.
Um excuse me Carter you promised me a swift escape. Why am I still here.
Checking if them Dharma bitches have been here. THEY'VE GOT THEIR ICKY FINGERS IN EVERYTHING THEY HAVE TO BE INVOLVED SOMEHOW..
Dean Winchester ruins Christmas.
Claire fails to give a fuck about Elle being taken for experimentation and eats her food. Because she is a classy, classy lady.
Stepping out for adventure times.
Claire grumpfaces at the rest of the patient body for being lazy asses and decides to take on the Head Doctor by herself.
BUT FIRST, THERE IS A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS. Or vampire. Which turns out rather badly for Claire because
DAMON SALVATORE YOU ARE DEAD TO ME.
...DEADER THAN BEFORE.
Making friends with all the wrong people: Claire Littleton's specialty since 2004.
THEY STUCK NEEDLES IN MY NEW BABY. SHUT. DOWN. EVERYTHING.
What the - what the shit - I CAN'T SERVE IN THE AMERICAN ARMY IF I'M NOT EVEN A GODDAMN CITIZEN, WHAT IS THIS. ROXAS. EXPLAIN THIS TOMFOOLERY TO ME.
After deciding to secretly adopt Roxas into her ragtag collection of babies, Claire goes into the the sun room and discusses her former baby Rika with the fabulous Mr. Klavier Gavin.
I hereby call the first meeting of the Yandere Club. Venom, Claire, take your seats.
Claire nearly has yet another pity party in the showers, but fortunately Bella Swan is a magnet for pain. She mothers her instead.
And then she is confronted by Damon's less dickish younger brother, Stefan, who tries to convince her that his bro doesn't need to die. L O MOTHERFUCKING L.
Guess who's back. Back again. Your shadow's back. Tell a friend.
Only one of these people will be missed.
GOKU WHERE ARE YOU. MOMMY IS GETTING WORRIED.
I would like to touch the soldiers in their sleep, please.
Tucking everyone in for bed.
Claire discovers that she has a new roommie and finds a box with her name on it. It contains her weapons and candy bag and her clothes from the island. She gives a gracious thanks for this boon.
STOMP STOMP STOMP.
STOMPITY STOMP STOMP.
Claire meets with Klavier in the Main Hall. They discuss the fashion choices of Landel's Institute and adopt a lonely orphan man-child named Battler.
OOOOO HE THINKS MY NAME IS PRETTY TEE HEE
Battler defends his dubious fashion choice and they make their way towards the file room.
THE FILE ROOM. PLOT HAPPENS HERE.
Ohoho, heading out for a field trip are we - DAMON STOP TRYING TO HOLD HANDS WITH ME.
Claire is reunited with Carter at the place they tried to blow up last time they were in Doyleton. The building still stands, to their complete dismay.
Completing her soul with a burger. Her one true love...
Claire and Rapunzel decide to form a band. It's called Blondes in Isolation.
Child detected. Acquiring target SORA. Target acquired.
FINALLY, SEDATION. It took much longer than anticipated, but Claire Littleton finally rallied up enough crazy points to try scratching an army lady's eyes out. Her, Venom, and Edward get shot up with the good stuff for their trouble.
Moy new baybeh is in dahngah. EY'LL SAVE YOO GOKOO
Claire is grounded and not allowed to eat, so she gently breathes on Dean Winchester's neck during brunch instead.
After asserting her dominance over a prospective mate, she is suddenly assaulted by a surprise visit from her real baybeh and the Chahlee.
Battler checks in on our darling hobo and a plethora of Claires are revealed. One of which who actually surpasses Littleton on the cray cray front. THIS WILL SOON BE RECTIFIED. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE.
Venom you are the best soul sister a girl could have. *u*
Intellectual pursuits confound Claire's primitive hillbillie brain.
Boon if Chahlee remembers me why don't you ;A;